How Much Contact Do Surrogates and Intended Parents Have?

Surrogate and Intended Parents Communication

Communication is the key to any good relationship, including the communication between surrogates and their intended parents.

But how often, when, and by what means should prospective parents and gestational carriers be in touch with each other?

Intended Parents Want to Be Involved

Intended parents want to feel included in the surrogate’s pregnancy. Intended mothers may feel left out by not carrying their own babies. They also can feel emotionally vulnerable after having suffered previous pregnancy losses.

International patients can live continents away from their carriers and rely on their surrogate’s communication to be in the loop about their pregnancy.

Surrogates Want to Support Their Intended Parents

Surrogates also want to communicate the joys and challenges of their journey to their intended parents. Forging a strong relationship with their intended parents is a key motivator for them. But it is important to find the right balance, so everyone’s communication needs are met while not being too intrusive.

CACRM supports intended parents and surrogates in several ways to ensure excellent communication channels are created between the two parties.

Suggestions for Successful Surrogate and Intended Parents Communication

Find the Right Match for Intended Parents and Surrogates

The matching process includes finding surrogates and intended parents who are compatible with each other. This means being on the same page about communication and working cooperatively to establish communication guidelines.

Look at the Logistics

Are the intended parents and surrogate living in the same geographic area or time zone? Do they speak the same language? Do they have different cultural expectations about how to keep in touch?

CACRM helps intended parents from around the world. A surrogate may live in southern California, but her intended parents live five time zones away. Communication between these pairings will differ because of logistical reasons.

Decide How You Like to Communicate

The modern world gives us many communication tools, including devices we could only dream about years ago. Surrogates and intended parents can use texting, emails, phone calls, video conferencing, and face-to-face meetings. Even if the intended parents can’t attend the doctor’s appointment in person, they can participate via FaceTime or Zoom. Interaction like this can mean the world to them when they are miles away.

Decide the Frequency of Contact

Ideally, the communication flow between surrogates and intended parents will occur naturally. But at the beginning of your relationship or during contract negotiations, intended parents and surrogates may want more specific details, i.e., weekly check-ins, photographs, and Facetiming during medical appointments.

Decide How to Convey Important News

CACRM encourages gestational carriers and parents to discuss how to communicate important news, both good and bad.

CACRM staff members also are in continual contact with our surrogates and parents, so we are aware of milestones and challenges.

Be Realistic About Your Expectations

Everyone needs to be realistic about communication. Anxiety and anticipation must be tempered against how often someone can communicate during the day, for example, if they are working.

Communicating After Birth

Surrogates and IPs go through an intense experience together. Many stay in touch for years after the baby’s birth. Others have more limited communications via occasional holiday cards and photos. There is no guarantee that a relationship will continue, but many do.

Intended parents want to be part of the pregnancy journey, and surrogates wish to share the joys of their surrogacy path with their IPs. Creating a communications plan with some of these suggested tips is an excellent way to establish a long-lasting, meaningful relationship.